It seems only human to set high expectations on finding someone to love, who loves you in return. This can be disappointing. We go back and forth between closeness and separateness in a relationship, sometimes feeling blended into one during sex. It may be hard to find the right balance.
Maybe every time you have high hopes of someone being the right one for you, it falls apart. It's so discouraging. You've always assumed it was the other person's fault, but it keeps happening over and over, so now you're not so sure. You even wonder if it has something to do with you. Therapy is a good way to explore this.
When you struggle in a relationship, the sexual side of things gets affected too. Our interest in sex can be affected by many things including illness, exhaustion, some medications, everyday worries, and concerns about being a good sexual partner.
Couples often differ in their level of interest, and this can change over time. It is not set in stone. What you learned about sex while you were growing up, can affect your attitudes and beliefs. It is quite common for your attitudes and beliefs to be quite different from your partner's ideas. If you are seriously concerned about your sex drive, it is wise to first consult your family doctor.
Although it might be helpful to sit down and talk to your love, at a time apart from engaging in sex, some people find this very difficult to do. It may be that you are feeling intimidated, pushed to think that the other person's way is the only way of looking at things. Perhaps any discussion leads to an argument. In those situations, it might be beneficial to consider therapy with an impartial person listening to both of you.
If your partner isn't interested in getting some professional help, it can still be a good idea to come yourself. Sometimes people can be so self-critical, without being aware of it, and it causes them lots of misery. This harsh self -talk may be quite familiar to you. Maybe you had a parent who was hard to please, and everything you did wasn't quite good enough. That certainly affects how you see yourself. You may sabotage yourself in many little ways, that prevent you from attaining contentment or happiness. Knowing these things is one thing, changing them is harder. In a working alliance with a therapist, these problems can be discussed, and hopefully in time will improve.
Maybe every time you have high hopes....
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